The Beginning ... My Reconstruction

I have never blogged before and it was suggested to me as a means of getting my emotions out and keeping my mind busy. I have been going through a lot lately and I am now currently in the process of getting better and making everything OK. So let me start with the fact that I am trying to gain control of my emotions and making myself happy.
I thought I was happy, I had a great relationship with a man who I love so much. He didn't know how to help me so he is giving me the time to help myself so that we can move forward in our relationship. It is so hard to admit you have a problem and now that I have, I need to figure out what to do. I have been doing a lot of reading and a lot of analyzing of my situation. I have done some reading up on anger management and self esteem, cause they are my major problems right now. I have been doing a daily regimen of reading my bible and exercise to get myself out of this funk that I am in. It seems to be working some what.
I have always believed that things in life happen for a reason and that God has a purpose for things happening to you. First let me say that I am not any holier than anyone else. I have a strong belief in God and yes I do slip up I do fall back, but so does everyone else.I believe that my current situation is being based on the fact that I ignored the Holy Spirit that was speaking to me Thursday night, telling me to stay home and not go out. I had a strong feeling, like someone was whispering to me in the back of my mind, but I just ignored it. My cousin told me that, it was the Holy Spirit that I was feeling. But I chose to ignore it and the Lord was testing me to see what I would do. I FAILED, clearly cause all of the things that transpired from that one choice made is the reason that I am no longer in the great relationship. My cousin told me that the Lord wanted me to hear what he was trying to tell me He was trying to show the right path and I ignored his direction and because of that he had to take something away from me. I understand it all a little too much now, but it's better late than never, right.
I am unhappy with who I am, and how people view me. Nobody ever has anything good to say about me, it is always something negative. I don't know, I am a likable person but I just have certain things in my personality that I guess people can't just get with. I always have been so misunderstood by everyone around me and I can truly say that there are only like three people in the whole world who really know me and how I am. I am a handful, a live wire, a feisty individual with a whole lot of attitude, but I know that I have something good about me. I guess that lately I have not been able to identify what that "good" thing is. I have literally made myself physically ill with constant headaches, nausea, colds, and flu with all the constant stress and worry I have put in my life.
But now I am on a new path, a path to make myself better and love myself no matter what. I will continue to use my blog to express my self and get out what I need to. Not just that but I will use it to keep my mind busy while I go through this whole process of reconstruction. I need to take this time to really spend with myself, by myself. Being alone is no fun and leaves room for idleness, and "an idle mind is the devil's playground" and I have no time for the devil to bring me down anymore!