All things come to pass

The search for a new job is really hard and it is starting to take a toll on me spiritually. I have been trying to stay positive and trying to stay proactive on my search for a job. It is so hard and maybe it is just me cause I am being picky, I refuse to just work anywhere. My dream job right now while I am in still in school would be to work as an office assistant or a receptionist doing regular clerical work. However I am open to retail, sales, and hotels. I am desperate and maybe I should not be so picky, but I have filled out over thirty applications in the past week and have sent off about five resumes and I have yet to be contacted back, I just don't know what to do anymore. My phone bill is due next week and clearly I won't be going to inauguration like I thought I was going to be able to and I am pissed about it. I have no money saved and don't even have a bank account with a 0 balance to show for anything. I don't want to say I am stressed or worried but honestly I am. I don't know how to survive right now. I do know everything will work out and everything will come together by the grace of God. All I can do is pray about it and hopefully my prayers will be answered soon. On top of the unemployment situation I am still dealing with my future graduation situation. I hope that everything works out with too, cause I really don't want to go off on these people at this school. Yeah that is not the right thing to do, but for them not to let me participate in the relationship for something as stupid as a physical education class that I was told I did not have to take then yes I am going to go off in a big way. But I am not really worried with that cause I know that God will take care of that he already has it in the making, cause He knows too.
Other than the few disappointments that I face my life is good, my relationship is good and I can say that I am happy and don't have a real worry in the world. Despite the fact of having no job and not knowing if I will graduate I know that I will be taken care of and that I will never have a want for anything. I have so much clarity of what I want and where I want to go. I am happy with myself and my situations. I know that everything will be great for me one day and that I will have everything in my heart that I want. I am excited about my future and excited about my future with the man that I love. He has been great, we have spent about a week together and it has been good, we have really enjoyed each others company. I know that him and I together we can make it through anything and can do anything. I am happy blessed and fortunate to have all of those things in my life.

Test and Testimony... and some!

Well today ... what can I say. It was not a yesterday, it was not that bad though. Today I received some bad news about something I had planned for the future and that I would not be able to accomplish my goal because of my grades. Yeah, grades posted today, and they were not bad actually. They were honestly the norm, but I expected way better, like three "A's" instead of one and no "C's", one of my teachers definitely let me down. I will go and see what I can do about my grades and see if I can get any of them changed to bring my GPA so that my future plans will still be able to go into affect. But maybe it is not meant to happen. I don't. I called my ex and he told me to look at like this, maybe it is not in God's plan for me right now in my life and that maybe He is protecting me from something in the future. It would just be nice to have accomplished that for myself.
Just dealing with that disappointment today, kind of put a lot of the things I am going through right now in my life in perspective. All of this bad stuff is still happening to me, it is almost like I am being punished. I don't know maybe I need to take another look at what I am doing wrong. Like why is all of this happening to me, it's not enough to just be broke, unemployed, knee high in debt, and not graduating. I am trying to stay positive, but it is so hard, it is hard to smile through the pain. I don't know what to do it is hard. I pray and read my bible everyday and work on me everyday, but nothing seems to be letting up. Like I don't expect for things to be easy but I just wish that the bad could stop happening to me. Like I just want to get through some of all of this that I am already going through now before something else falls on me. I will continue to pray cause that is all I have.
Today my ex asked me a very important question that I could not answer. He asked me what do I bring to the relationship. He was able to tell me what he felt he offered and I just could not come up with a legitimate answer. So I have been thinking about it all day and I am still thinking about it. Him and I have a good relationship with each other like we have a good connection with each other. I don't know if that is because we have opposite personalities but maybe that is the reason why we have problems. No, we have problems because we don't communicate effectively with each other, especially when it comes to problems in our relationship. We both have two totally different ways of handling things and that is a cause for issues we face in our relationship. I still think we are learning about each other and each others ways so we will get it down one day (hopefully).