Faith Without Works...

When I think about the journey that my life has taken, I know that if it had not been for God's grace in my life I would not be here today. I woke up today feeling really discouraged really lost and just hopeless.


I have been laid off from work for 2 months now, company cut backs and budget reform. It hurt to lose that job (which was an awesome job) but I didn't worry or get down. I packed up my desk and left, knowing that God was going to take care of it all. Now here it is 2 months later, hundreds of resumes later and I am still making it.


But this morning I lost sight of that. I forgot how much I have overcome by the grace of God. This morning I was down and out sad at the direction my life is going, or should I say the lack of direction my life is going. I feel like I have no real plan, no real goal I am striving for nothing that I am building towards, and for this I feel hopeless. I guess I feel like I should be doing more, doing something with this time that God has given me. I think about how busy I was when I was working my 9 to 5 everyday and how much I didn't get finished due to me having that full-time job. But now I have all the time and all the freedom to complete and do so much yet I haven't. My cousin told me that God is giving me this time to sort through things and to get myself prepared. I should be taking this time and reading, learning and trying to enhance myself and my resume. I haven't made a plan, I haven't barely had any job interviews. I am discouraged yet not defeated. My cousin, who is my counselor (spiritually and mentally at times,  Check out my Cousin's blog... she is a beautiful inspiration) definitely help me to bring things back into perspective today. She reminded me to pray and that Faith without works is dead. That was it... FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD. I had been feeling like I was doing so much but in all actuality I have been doing the bare minimum trying to get by and get a pass off of just that. Its not good enough! I am constantly reminding people around me that anything in life that you want you have to work for. It is mentioned in the Bible at James 2:17 & 26. I need to put in more work somewhere in my life, not quite sure where but somewhere. I need to stop BSing!!!


I don't know what God has in store for me but I plan to keep praying. My cousin gave me Mark 14:1-9 to read, briefly telling me "God says do what you can and He will do what you can't". Live, Laugh, Love!

Test and Testimony... and some!

Well today ... what can I say. It was not a yesterday, it was not that bad though. Today I received some bad news about something I had planned for the future and that I would not be able to accomplish my goal because of my grades. Yeah, grades posted today, and they were not bad actually. They were honestly the norm, but I expected way better, like three "A's" instead of one and no "C's", one of my teachers definitely let me down. I will go and see what I can do about my grades and see if I can get any of them changed to bring my GPA so that my future plans will still be able to go into affect. But maybe it is not meant to happen. I don't. I called my ex and he told me to look at like this, maybe it is not in God's plan for me right now in my life and that maybe He is protecting me from something in the future. It would just be nice to have accomplished that for myself.
Just dealing with that disappointment today, kind of put a lot of the things I am going through right now in my life in perspective. All of this bad stuff is still happening to me, it is almost like I am being punished. I don't know maybe I need to take another look at what I am doing wrong. Like why is all of this happening to me, it's not enough to just be broke, unemployed, knee high in debt, and not graduating. I am trying to stay positive, but it is so hard, it is hard to smile through the pain. I don't know what to do it is hard. I pray and read my bible everyday and work on me everyday, but nothing seems to be letting up. Like I don't expect for things to be easy but I just wish that the bad could stop happening to me. Like I just want to get through some of all of this that I am already going through now before something else falls on me. I will continue to pray cause that is all I have.
Today my ex asked me a very important question that I could not answer. He asked me what do I bring to the relationship. He was able to tell me what he felt he offered and I just could not come up with a legitimate answer. So I have been thinking about it all day and I am still thinking about it. Him and I have a good relationship with each other like we have a good connection with each other. I don't know if that is because we have opposite personalities but maybe that is the reason why we have problems. No, we have problems because we don't communicate effectively with each other, especially when it comes to problems in our relationship. We both have two totally different ways of handling things and that is a cause for issues we face in our relationship. I still think we are learning about each other and each others ways so we will get it down one day (hopefully).