The Struggle... Cont....

Do you know what it is like to wake up stressed? How do you have a good nights rest but wake up a big ball of anxiety? I just recently celebrated my 25th birthday. I have had a phenomenal 5 day celebration with good friends and I am so happy and thankful for it. But the scope of my problems and my troubles are still here.

The Lord did recently bless me with a part-time job, which I am so grateful for regardless if it is what I saw myself doing or not. The biggest part of this 2 month struggle, and what I like to believe is God's message for me is sacrifice & patience. I have been wanting things my way for so long. I have to remind myself, hey God doesn't work like that. Everything that I have been praying for (this dream job, great pay, good benefits, with a business casual atmosphere) may not be what is in God's will for my life. We have to remember that just because we want it doesn't mean it is what is in God's will for us. I have lost focus over this past week... But I'm ready to get back strong in the Word and being focused on the mission at hand! I'm trying to figure out what God wants me to do and what his plan is so that I can at least get myself in position for whatever it may be.

Also this week I have really found another passion of mine in speaking up and out for those who have been silenced! I'm speaking about Trayvon Martin, the 17 year old killed in cold blood on his way back from the store with Skittles, and an Iced Tea! I will definitely have a whole post on this coming soon... I was too emotional about it when I first heard to even begin to get my thoughts together to make a good post! I have been speaking up and speaking out using all means of communication to get the word out there and to make people more aware of this boy's story and his tragic end. Stay tuned.. Greatness coming... In the meantime Live, Laugh, Love 

what would make me want to blog at 12:34 in the morning.... Idk .... couldn't tell you honestly.... yeah I know lets stop lying....

lets set the mood here or more so just get the scenario of what is going

I am sitting out side on my breezeway drinking wine and blogging under the moonlight watching cars drive by listening to music.... mostly just go rock bottom on repeat.... for those who don't know that is Pleasure P's song with Lil wayne... I love lil wayne.. I remember last summer anticipating his album Tha Carter 3 to come out and how me and my "ex"- boyfriend listened to it all summer long.... that is all we had in the cd player in the car all last summer.... everyday...my mind is so clear right now... I feel completely real right now ... I know I haven't blogged in so long but I have been working on my book... coming soon.. it is going to be great it is going to be a book for young women to read to motivate them to stay focused and keep going and never let anyone, not even a man stop them and hold them back .... but i have also been working too.... I finally got a job ... it is not my dream job ... just a part-time at Red lobster... the Lord is good he heard my prayer and blessed me and I am so thankful. .. i feel so mellow right now.... it feels good ... you know not to have a care in the world ... not worry about anything...my ex went to the movies tonight with another woman ....not a date... but Idk how to take it ......like lately i have been trying to control my emotions and function like a normal person.... I have been doing pretty well as far as trying to function and getting use to it ... you know making it a normal part of life...i went to go see the hangover tonight... man it was funny as hell.... they had the dude in it from Old School who was the wedding singer in old school as the wedding singer in the Hangover.... he was funny as hell again... my ex got me hip to that movie and now it is one of my favorites..... I am so beyond words right now where I am .... I feel good though....

we said we would be friends and I honestly wasn't quite sure about it... i have never been friends with one of my exes ever.... so i didn't know how to take it ....but lately I have been doing very well with it.... i STill am ... I am completely ok with the fact that he went to go see a movie that we should have went to go see together ....the hangover is one of those stupid movies that me and him would watch together .... and we didn't even go see it together.. he went with another female.... I don't know how to feel honestly I don't ... I am not angry or sad I actually feel blank... lol... as funny as that sounds...i keep thinking i am going to cry but no tears come out so I stop acting... I stop making a scene as he always tells me..... I am just chillin.... you know...but the movie was great.... real funny.... transformers was better though.... me and him went to go see transformers... which was way better than the hangover.... it was great, phenomenal..... I guess he is ready to move on maybe i should too.... maybe that is how I should take everything.... as a key to just move on with my life and search for the next guy that will end up breaking up with me cause I am too much for the to deal with.... it is so not fair why can't i find someone who loves me for who I am and they are just happy with who I am .... My life is taking new strides and I am so happy because of it.... so maybe something will work out.... I could probably type all night but that is not what I want to do... so goodnight world til another day
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