Barack and Michelle

Yesterday was truly a monumental day. I enjoyed being able to sit in the warmth of my house and watch the Inauguration of our 44th President Barack Obama. He is such an influential man and I am so happy that he is the new President. Him and his family are just so cool and have so much swag, they are a gorgeous family together. I love Michelle Obama, she is a beautiful, strong, independent black woman. They are just such a great family to aspire to be like. His speech was so good and I liked how he addressed everything and everyone, like worldwide. I love how his wife is always right by his side in everything that he does and how you can tell she is so supportive of him and everything he does. Yesterday when he was sworn in and she stood by his side and held Former President Lincoln's Bible for him she just looked so proud of her strong man, and she was happy to say that that is her husband, the President of the United States. I want that. I want someone to love me like that and I want to be able to love someone like that. They way they look at each other you can tell that they are just so in love and there whole family just looks so loving. I want that all one day, maybe not the whole campaigning for two years and becoming the President, but that whole being supportive of my man whatever he does ( even if he decides to be the President), and having a loving family and knowing that everyday he loves me and appreciates me for who I am and not what they wish I would be. I want a man to look at me and love me and say things like you are my backbone and my heart, the love of my life. I want to be the Michelle to some man's Obama one day and have that same love and devotion and support and trust. I thought I would be able to experience that but maybe if I pray enough God will bless me with that someday. I didn't cry during the swearing in ceremony, but I cred for a good ten minutes when Beyonce performed "At Last" by Etta James ( which is by the way one of my favorite songs and I have been planning to walk down the aisle to it since I was 14) at the Inaugural Ball and Barack and Michelle danced together. It was such a romantic and beautiful moment. I feel like under President Obama's administration that all of us will be able to experience some kind of beautiful moment over the next four years. I look forward to the next four, hopefully eight years and I know that We all shall over come.

Oh yeah I like the benediction to especially the part when he said " black won't have to get back, brown can stick around, yellow can be mellow, the red man can get ahead man, and white will do what's right", or something like that. I thought it was appropriate, that man walked with Dr. King and got to see all the hatred of the time. For him to be able to be alive and give the benediction at the Inauguration of the First Black President was truly monumental. I don't just love Obama because he is a black man, (honestly he is multi-cultural) but because he is so influential. When he speaks you feel him and ever word he says and you really feel a sense of motivation. He is a really driven man, and it shows cause he won something that no one thought he would. I will end off with this which was a quote I heard yesterday in the midst of all the things related to the Inauguration that I watched, " Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, and Obama ran so We can Fly"!!! Yes we can... all of us!

Happy Dr. Martin Luther King Day... a day of Peace, Clarity, & Happiness

My day off from classes, I sit and I just reflect on everything that is going on. I am having difficulty typing, yesterday I broke my nail all the way down to the meat of my finger and it is a swollen and bloody so it hurts like hell to type. I woke up this day from a text message from my roommate who is on her way to Washington D.C. for the grand Inauguration of Barack Obama. She always ponders the things that neither one of us have the answers for. Like how is it some females can get whatever they want from men. It is almost like they pimp them with the goodies, but yet they say they are not sleeping with them. Yeah sure, nothing in this world is free, everything comes with a price. So if some man decides he wants to give $160 out of his pocket for you to go out of town then something has to be going on. I dunno, I can't judge no one, I do know she is getting everything under the sun that she asks for; money, phones, clothes, eating out three days out of the week, the list could goes on. This is my roommates best friend, she is a sweet girl, who loves to party and has an obsession with men and their attention. We have sat for years and tried to analyze her situation and why things are the way they are for her. Is she smarter than us or is this just something she is just fortunate to acquire. Who knows, only God.

I ponder my relationship and why it seems that I am having trouble trusting now. I have given this man all of me and all of my trust, however, it seems that in the light of the situation that it has become hard to trust him. I sat and I thought about this all morning, and it comes from the fact that I believed that he was my knight in shining armor and that he would never do wrong by me or hurt me and because of all the pain that we have been through lately it has been hard to see that fact. It hurts to think that he is capable of hurting, before I knew he wasn't and didn't believe he was, now he has shown me a new side of him that I didn't want to be exposed to. I still love him and still want to be with him, I believe deep down he can most definitely regain my trust, it is not that far gone. I guess what made me think about it was the fact that I have always had little thoughts about what he does when he is not with me and when he is out and about. Yeah I have thought of the things that could be going on, but before I would never allow myself to believe what is going on like maybe I am trippin. Now it seems like he is more prone to do the things that I never believed he would. I am scared of him being with other people, and I am scared of how I will handle it (if it happens). I know that he has trust issues with me, I would never ever cheat on him or even now go behind his back and talk or do something with someone else. He still does his little jealousy thing he has always done with me, even with us not together, and I let him, it makes me feel like he still cares enough. But maybe it is him being selfish too. I don't want to give up on him. In my heart I still hold on to him. Sometimes I want to just listen to my mind and not my heart, those are usually the times when I feel like I have wised up and that I am no longer going to wait and I am through with the whole situation and I am going to move on. But my heart it tells me to stick in there and that all of this is going to be worth it in the end. I know that he loves me and I know he knows that I love him. We would do anything for one another and sacrifice anything. He told me the other night that he feels that he has to re-evaluate things again, like what is important to him. I was apart of those things he has to re-evaluate, he is not sure anymore that I am what he wants. Yeah, this was disappointing for me and yet I accepted it, that is all I can do for him. It is crazy that 4 weeks ago I still mattered to him and was still important to him and was apart of the things that he wants. I have to let him be a man and figure things out for himself, so I will.

Everyone has problems, every relationship has problems. I don't want to be blown off because he has problems, and sometimes I feel like that. I just wish that he understood that if he really wants to be with me that we are always going to have problems, things are going to get worse before they get better. We are going to have hard times in the future and not just now while we think this is pretty bad, but if I am going to want to spend the rest of my life with this man I need to know he is going to be there when the going gets tough and we have a lot on our plates together. I am here and I understand and have learned so much through all of this it is crazy. I have that clarity again, where I see clearly what is going on.

I think about today, and the history of the day. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was a man that I can't even describe in enough words. He did so much for the civil rights movement and was such a figure head for the black community. I feel like we as black people today we need a figure head again, someone who can motivate us and guide us and show us that everything will come to pass. I think about all of the documentaries and movies I have seen about what my people have gone through and it empowers me to want to be a better person in my community and prove that I am not just another black face. Being a student at a historically black university, is a privilege and an honor. I would not trade my experiences here for any other college. To know the struggle and the fight that it took for our ancestors to just have a little piece of land with one little school house on it, empowers me to want to make my university a better place. We as black people have to understand that we have so much working for us that was started by great people who wanted more for our people. Our colleges and universities, our organizations are sacred and mean so much more than just a diploma or piece of paper,or some letters across our chest. They represent a fight that was won by the people before us a fight that we don't respect. Especially the younger generations including mine, we are disconnected from our pasts but there is no excuse for how things are these days. We all should want to be better black men and women, and not just black people but all people. Of course, everyone is not going to see it that way, and that is what makes me so mad with black people and well people in general. Some people don't understand the legacy that they are apart of. I think about all of the HBCU's especially the older ones who like mine were founded back in the late 1800's at a time when black people were still being lynched and beaten just for being black. This was a time when it was not accepted or even thought of of black people, ex slaves, having the same education as white. My mother was only a year old when Dr. King gave his famous speech, I wasn't even a thought at the time but even though we didn't live through the same struggle that the people of the 60's did we are forever impacted by his work. I ever so excited about the inauguration tomorrow. YES WE CAN!!! I believe that Obama can be that figure head for the black community, along with the entire country. For my generation and the generations of the people who witnessed first hand the violence and hatred that black people have had to endure, to see the election and inauguration of Black President is beyond what any word in Webster could describe. I am so proud and happy to have played a part in this historic event and I am so happy to sit here on the day dedicated to a man who's word and actions have made this day possible.