Searching and Finding!!!

As each day goes on I grow happier and happier with my situation. I have really taken a desire to bettering myself and becoming a more effective person in society. I have really been able to take a look at myself and the things that I go through and look at why I go through them. I am in charge of my destiny and I always knew that but I never understood it, not like I do now. I control what happens to me and the decisions I make are reflections of my character. As I continue to read the book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" I continually learn new things about myself. I am a highly reactive person, meaning that I am always blaming the situations in my life on the conditioning or the conditions surrounding me. I am the kind of person who has a bad day when the weather is bad. The first step the book discusses is about being proactive, meaning taking the initiative and being responsible for my actions and behaviors. The weather is a good example, reactive people let the weather affect them whereas proactive people make their own weather, they understand they are in charge of their emotions and their feelings. I have always let my feelings and my emotions run my life, I have been highly dependent upon them. I now see that in letting my emotions run my life I am not truly living life but rather being lived by life. I have no true identity with myself and can only relate to myself through my emotions and not by who I am as a person. The book discusses how reactive people use the word "have" a lot in the since of "If I only had this in my life then everything would be better". Yeah granted I can sit here and say that if I only had a job things would be better, but would they. The only thing that would be solved is a partial part of my financial woes, I would still be unhappy and would also be settling for something, allowing my environment to run my life and allowing my financial situation to run my life. I won't do that! Proactive people use the word "be". I can be more patient and diligent in finding a job instead of focusing on the negative of not having a job. To really break it down basically it address being positive in negative situations. The book says that how we react to the situations we face in life is what causes us the most problems. It says that people can't hurt us yeah they can hurt us physically but they can't control us unless we let them. I have been known to have some over the top reactions to things. For along time I accepted my craziness and when me and my current boyfriend started dating a year ago that all changed. The way I viewed myself changed because of him, I saw how he was displeased with my image and what people thought of me and it bothered me. I didn't understand it then but I understand it now. I had been living a lie masking the true problem with myself not realizing that I was living off of my emotions and feelings I was creating this false me that was not living life at all but rather being lived. I had been doing it for so long I didn't even realize it was happening. I was putting on a front, he always tells me that I always try to act all hard like I am all big and bad, but inside I am just a big softy. He knew me better than I knew myself, he saw things in me I didn't see for myself. I always use to tell him that the Lord placed us together for a reason, and now I think I know what that reason is, well at least part of the reason. I had to find myself and become a better person. I would have never had realized it on my own, but if it had not been for him I would have never wanted to make this change in my life or realized that a changed needed to be made. I am so appreciative of our relationship and feel so blessed to have him everyday in my life. The book also discussed love and how reactive people look at love as if it is an emotion a thing that we feel, when technically love is a verb, an action something that is shown. I believe that him and I show that we love each other everyday and have been doing it for at least a year now and I am so happy to be loved and to be able to love.