Loving Him and Loving Me... What is wrong?

I knew I would be back. Today has turned into much worse than I expected. It all starts from communication with him. I don't know what to do anymore. I just sat on my bed and prayed about it, asking God to just continue to work on us and bless us both. He hurts me so much sometimes. The little things that I do in our relationship, he doesn't appreciate. I just wanted to know if he was safe. He said I was nagging him and frustrating him, I didn't intend on that being his reaction. I didn't mean for that to be what it was. Everything that I do it is me nagging or frustrating him, and now I don't believe his mother even likes me anymore. He tells her about me and I don't know exactly what he says but she is only getting one side of the story. I am not perfect and in no way ever going to be perfect, but I try. Ever effort I put forward to show him that I am trying ( cause he always says that actions speak louder than words) it always ends up as I am pissing him off or nagging him or irritating him. Like I don't know what to do anymore. I asked the Lord to show me what it is that I need to do where I need to go from here. I love him so very much, I would give my life for this man. I dread if something were to happen to him, and then if I didn't know about it. It scares me. I have a huge fear of death and not so much as other people's deaths but my own. Since being with him I have the same fear for him to. Life is too short now a days and people are losing their lives left and right, and it scares me. I love him so much it hurts sometimes. Especially when we are going through stuff like this. We are always into it over miscommunication and I told him that we should work on that cause it is are one and only problem that hinders our progress in our relationship. He told me no. And yet this is what has happened, we have miscommunicated once again. I just wanted to know he was safe and he thought I was nagging and frustrating him. That hurt my feelings when he said that, it always does. I don't ever intend to nag or frustrate or irritate him, and I wish he understood that and I wish I could tell his mother that also. I don't mean to be confrontational with him, sometimes he just really upsets me, he never understands why I am upset, but he does. And then he never cares to understand why he has frustrated me. I always try to work on us even when I am frustrated, I try. I try to keep us talking so that we come up with a reasonable solution to the current problem, I try to change the conversation and talk about other happier things, whatever I do it never works and it gets overlooked as being nagging and irritating and frustrating. I don't know what to do, God I don't know. I asked for God to show me what I need to do, and to stay in both or our hearts as we go through these tough times with each other. Even after all of this I still believe that we will get over this and make it through all of the hardships we are going through right now. I know that we will be happy and in love with each other again someday, but I don't know how to make him see that. And I don't know if he even believes that. Sometimes I think I want to ask the Lord for the strength to move on and forget about him and our relationship but that would be my mind speaking and not my heart. My heart tells me to hold on and I believe that is what the Lord would want for me to listen to. I love him so much I would give anything and everything I have (which is not much) for us to just be happy again and together again like nothing even happened. Today I thought about the night when my life changed, the night that the incident happened and he parted from me. It makes me sick on the inside I hate it and wish I could just go back. I wish that I knew then what I know now and I wish I understood then what I understand now. I know that me yelling and cussing and fussing is not going to get anything accomplished, especially with him. He is so stubborn and he takes guard to his feelings and emotions. He has only had one real time where he has been vulnerable with me and he knows that time (no need to bring it up). I find myself always being vulnerable with him and letting my guard down for him and yet he never does that with me. I don't know what to do about that but I understand it more now than I ever did before. I understand that he likes to work on his problems by himself and just be alone when something is bothering him. I understand that neither one of us are good at communicating how we feel with one another, especially him, and I don't know if that is cause he chooses to be that way or he really does not know how to. I am trying to fix the things that I can and just accept the things that I can not change about him. I wish he would do the same and yet I know he won't . I believe he will always think that I am nagging him regardless of what is going on, I accept that, I just wish he would react the way he does. I want him to know that I never intended for any of this and that if I could I would erase all the bad from our relationship so far. We have overcome so much in a year and have gone through so much. I know we are supposed to be together, nobody goes through all of this for nothing in the end. But maybe it is not for nothing maybe there is a bigger picture here and we have yet to see it. I just want to be happy and I want to be happy with him, I want him to be happy mostly- and yet I don't know how to make him happy. I have done nothing but cause him grief and problems since he started to talk to me and I am so sorry for that. I spent a lot of our relationship apologizing for making his life so bad, I always felt it was so bad cause he would make it seem like if it weren't for me he would be happy and not going through this mess right now. Yeah sometimes I think that way too about him but I love him and I am willing and I know I am able to go through it in order to be happy in the end. I know that everything is not peaches and cream and that it will get worse before it gets better and I believe that is why I have been so committed to this relationship. I know that all of the tears and all of the pain right now will work out in the end. All of his irritation and frustration with me will not be for nothing. I mean why would we go through all of this if we weren't going to be happy with one another again. If not then all of this is pointless, all the tears and frustrations, and yelling and everything we have built up til now is for nothing, what a waste. I don't believe it though, everything will be OK and even though I am hurting right now and I can't stand him I still love him with all of my heart and I still believe. I try not to let the bull that we go through effect my whole outlook of our relationship, yeah I am mad at him and he gets on my last nerve but I still love him regardless and there is no one else I would rather be upset with but him. Sometimes I feel like he lets every situation we go through effect how he feels about me and how he views me. I don't understand cause I still feel the same way regardless to the tears and the pain, I still love his stubborn behind.